I'm EXPOSED

On August 28,2006, my home state of Missouri passed a law that forced me to become a instant law-breaker. A child-abuser, if you will. The new law stated: A child must be in a boosterseat if they are ages 4 through 7 who weigh at least 40 pounds, unless they are 80 pounds or 4'9” tall. Children less than 4 years old or less than 40 pounds must be in an appropriate child safety seat.

Whoops...

Ten years ago, I began to see little bottles of hand-sanitizers become a new fashion statement for teens and young moms. Soon after, the once-only sterile, clinical encasements of personal sanitizer were now housed in bright colors, movie-themed wraps, and smelling of Bath & Body Work's "Apple-Cinnamon Dumpling".

I believe in JUST washing my hands, refilling water bottles, taking my 79-pound 8-year old OUT of a booster seat, the 30-second food rule. Oh - and what's wrong with George Costanza eating the chocolate eclair that sat on TOP of the trash?

Have you considered why teachers are RARELY ill...? Oh - they may be out of the classroom due to sickness every other week during their first year of teaching - but after that - they are stalwarts of health. Perhaps they're exposed...

I was sharing a meal with a colleague this past week. In addition to working together, I consider him a very good friend. He shared a story of his father "exposing" him to sex. My friend was a senior in high school. He was leaving the house to go out one Saturday night when his father followed him to the garage. The father looked my friend into his eyes and said, "Hey - I know it'll be hard, but when that girl is on the bed naked, you need to say no..." That was it - never another word spoken about sex between my friend and his dad...

I'm very familiar with families who only expose their children to organic or homemade foods. I find it interesting these children are ill far more often than their peers. Perhaps those kids need to be exposed...

My 13 year old son asked me some months ago, "Dad, when was the last time you masturbated?" I told him. That question arose out of exposing my son to reality. He feels secure and safe to ask me tough questions. Why? Because I've exposed my son...

I've taken both criticism and applause for my parenting style. I've been criticized for what I consider appropriate with the fine line of EXPOSURE vs. PROTECTION. Not only for my kids but for myself. 

I was a terribly naive child. I was exposed to very little of the world around me. I was often left to my own devices of discovery. I had very few "adult" conversations as a teenager and even into adulthood. I wish I would have had more...

The world around me was far off and foreign. I wasn't challenged to order my own food at restaurants, walk into a business and ask for a job application, or understand why binge-drinking as a 16-year old may be a bad idea.This hurt my development...

I believe in exposure. I believe exposure produces critical thinking. Exposure produces inner-strength. Exposure can lead to better self-awareness and confidence. Exposure helps eliminate discrimination. Exposure promotes unity.

But here's the caveat - exposure MUST be paired with discipline and in appropriate volumes. 

Know your own limits - know the maturity and limits of your children. But - please EXPOSE yourself to the world around you. 

I'm not promoting an unfiltered, unfettered adventure into the world. What I am promoting is to expose yourself to the world around you. I promise it's not as bad as you think...

Now - if you'll excuse me - I have to go close the curtains. Someone may be watching...

Happy Exposing...

-Billy

Here's who I'm voting for...

David Letterman retired from a legendary comedic career in May, 2015. I hold Mr. Letterman in the highest regard. He grasped the "talk show" mantel passed on from Johnny Carson and blazed a NEW trail of comedic brilliance. The most funny individuals are the most intelligent. David Letterman is no exception.

Recently, during Letterman's first interview since retirement, Tom Brokaw, asked him, "Don't you miss being on TV every night - most especially with all the 'craziness' in this year's election - to be able to comment with all the fodder available?" Letterman replied, "you know if our Country's founders were witness to what's going on today, they'd probably think, 'well - there you go - that's how we wanted our election process to work...'"

The checks and balances created in the United States election process were created in purity and goodness. Letterman is correct. Hilary Clinton and Donald Trump are a result of the US cultural and political landscape. America is the chicken and Clinton/ Trump are the egg...

I am an alumni member of the national social fraternity of Alpha Kappa Lambda. Although I've been out of college for many years, my collegiate fraternity brothers remain some of my closest friends. I hold many of these men in the highest regard. I embrace the life-long relational connection I have with my fraternal organization. So much so, I had a man named, Reggie in 1991, permanently scar the outside of my right ankle with the letters, "A", "K", and "L". And there are men named Mike and Paul who no more about my ability to consume Mad Dog 20/20 then I'd like to admit.

We all like being a part of other like-minded individuals. It feels good to be part of a group. It builds camaraderie, provides safety and security, and promotes strength in numbers.

However, when fanaticism and overzealous loyalty replaces individual health and personal boundaries, negative results can ensue.

I often hear, "I'm a Baptist", "I'm a Republican", "I'm a Liberal", "I'm a Catholic". But what do any of these labels really mean?

I believe the US political party system is obsolete. Ross Perot in the Presidential election of 1992 presented a semi-serious alternative to a two-party system. Yet, here today, the United States still promotes a (very flawed) two-party system.

But - what is a Republican? What is a Democrat? Are these the parties of Abe Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, or Ronald Reagan? I think not. Times change and political & cultural landscapes drift and settle and shift and move. And rightly so...

I've heard many friends, family, and Facebook acquaintances make statements, "Well - I have to vote for one of them..."

Why is that? I'm sad to think we've moved to a time and place where voting for the "lesser of two evils" is how we're deciding who resides in the White House and represents the United States.

I'm not political. But I am aware and here's who I'm voting for:

This person...

• Leads with a servant-heart...
• Believes in personal responsibility AND helping those who need it...
• Embraces people for their hearts, not their skin-color, who they choose to marry, or in what building (if at all) they worship...
• Understands more, condemns less...
• Listens more, speaks less...
• Displays power and strength more with a pen and a convincing word and less with a firearm (but who supports the right to possess that firearm)
• Requires everyone to use their turn-signals and when turning  and no one will EVER turn left without a green arrow...
• Will ensure Baseball is officially named the "America's Pastime"
• Will pass a law where all 13 year old boys and girls are required to watch Episodes IV, V, VI, and VII of Star Wars...

Let me know who this person is and they'll receive my vote this November...

Don't vote for a party, an agenda, or because a candidate believes 27% of what you believe. KNOW why you vote...

Happy Voting!
-Billy

Confessions of a single dad...

I spend my days as a senior sales executive in the technology industry. Yet, my REAL job is Dad to my three children. I've been divorced from my children's mother for nearly six years. I have my children every other weekend and on Wednesdays.

Although, their mother and I don't see eye-to-eye on everything; I have great respect for her and the guidance and love she provides Gracen, Jadon, and Abby.

In the day-to-day moments I don't have my children, I'm praying for them, texting them, calling them, thinking of them, buying their groceries, picking up their messes, watching their Snaps, and trying to figure out how toothpaste ended up there from last weekend...

My children may not be with me full time - but they're in my heart full-time.

I did choose to end the marriage to my children's mother. I did choose to alter my relationship with my children. I hide nothing about that fact. I've dealt with plenty of guilt and shame over the years for those decisions. I've struggled through heart-ache, rage, bitterness, depression, and loneliness.

My choices have altered the trajectory of many people's lives. I know that and I'm at peace with those decisions.

I now take a healthy pride in the trajectory of my relationship with my three kids. I love them and they love me (I think I just heard "Barney"...). I'm pretty sure they love me - they tell me in that robotic, "I love you, too, Dad..." (this is where the eyes roll).

I've been told I have a very unique relationship with my kids. Perhaps I do. I have tried to create an atmosphere of openness. No subject is off-limits...

We routinely talk about sex, relationships, masturbation, political ideology, religion, current events, violence, racism, and bigotry. Oh yeah - we also attend their sporting events, play video games, root on the Kansas City Royals EVERYDAY, play Killer Uno, cook together, and compete in 2 vs. 2 wiffle ball at the park down the street (my team always wins).

I want to expose my children to the world - allow them to know what's in front of them and what's in store for their future. I want my children to know WHO they are, what they believe, and why they believe it. Therefore, from a very early age, their mother and I have been as true and real as we could and can be. Yes - I am the parent who took all three kids out of their car seats far too "early", who bypasses the hand sanitizer (every time), and the parent who taught my son how to create a finely crafted vodka-tonic (to serve to his dad - just in case DFS is reading...)

My job as a father is not to protect and shield my children from the world - but instead prepare them to face, adapt, and succeed in the world. My job is to allow my children to struggle and sometimes fail.

Not so long ago, my then 12-year old son walked in the door - seemingly out of the blue - and asked, "Dad, when was the last time you had sex?" Without missing a beat, I told him. I was honest. He responded, "Okay - I was just wondering" I then took a deep breath and exhaled. It took me a moment, but I soon realized how blessed I am to have a relationship with my son where he feels "safe" enough to ask such a personal question. If I would have lied to him or react with a sheepish or embarrassed tone, he would have thought twice before confiding in me the next time...

My children are NOT perfect - they're on their phones too much, neglect their chores, leave messy rooms, roll their eyes, "forget" to tell me the details about their lives, and they rarely respond to my text messages. They struggle with being bullied, being left-out, and under-achieving in school . But I couldn't be more proud of the trans-formative souls they're becoming. They are all FAR better than me...and I'm grateful for that.

Go beyond the "news, sports, and weather" with your children. Challenge them, push them, expect from them. And I'm not talking about school and activities. For the VAST majority of children, regular schooling and activities end at age 18-21. The average life-expectancy for men and women living in the United States is 78.8 years. This means 77% of people's lives occur LONG after competitive gymnastics and traveling baseball teams fade into memory. Long after college-credit algebra and late-night cramming are over. Without a doubt, school and activities are critical in shaping a well-rounded child into an adult. But children can NOT be only identified for how fast they run the bases, or how many times they were invited onto a competitive sports team.

All children of all ages KNOW more than you think. They have opinions, thoughts, ideas, and secrets. Don't protect them from the answers they already possess. Encourage them to express WHO they are - not what they do. They are sharing these opinions, thoughts, ideas, and secrets with someone... is it you? Do you want that type of openness with your children. I hope so...

My 15-year old daughter is dating. Holy sh***! When did this happen? She's in a car alone with a boy. She is now making decisions on her own. She is choosing to reflect and then apply the counsel her mother and I have provided. I pray for her and the young man she chooses to be with. But I have to trust her - I have to. I have to trust that the time we spent OUTSIDE of her junior varsity volleyball matches is aiding her to make wise choices.

Oh and would someone please send me a copy of the "Perfect Parenting Manual". I seem to have lost mine...my kids tell me I need a refresher.

Happy Parenting!
-Billy

Judge me...PLEASE!

I discriminate. I judge all day, everyday...and people judge me. I'm judged everyday for my parenting decisions, my Facebook posts, business dealings. I'm judged. And I welcome it..

I'm anxiously awaiting the phrase "don't judge me..." to evaporate from our everyday dialogue.

Trust me - you should welcome the judgement of others. With judgment comes reward, with judgment, comes advancement; with judgment comes success.

With the good, comes the bad. You can't separate healthy judgment from short-sided and ignorant judgment. Two sides of the same sword.

Nearly everyone has voiced an opinion about cops shooting blacks, extremists killing gays, snipers killing cops. We've all made judgments on these acts, made judgments of those who've committed these acts of violence. Justification and judgment will soon be made in both the court of public opinion and courts of law.

The people we become is based on our experiences. True that some of our behavior is bent due to DNA patterns, but a large majority of WHO I am and who you are is due to the people we listen to, the rhetoric in which we expose ourselves, and whether or not we EXPOSE ourselves to people, environments, and opinions that are VASTLY different than our own. We must FORCE ourselves to be uncomfortable. Exposure to difference is key in curbing bigoted attitudes and behavior

We all seek comfort. The warm fireplace on a cold evening, the soft blanket, the full bank account, the arms of a love-one, the faith in a higher-power, a friend's shoulder to cry on.

But, when we overexpose ourselves to comfort, we become addicted to satisfy our most carnal wants and needs. This leads to familiarity, laziness, and ignorant judgment. Too much reliance on familiarity and comfort can lead us away from the experiences and lives of others.

Like speaks to like. Finding those who share our passions, likes & dislikes, and familial experiences are important. But, the more we limit our exposure to life OUTSIDE of our comfort zone, the more narrowly-minded and ignorant we become.

"I don't like that man. I must get to know him better" - Abraham Lincoln

Old Abe was spot-on over 150 years ago. Getting to know someone "better" takes time and energy. We'd rather roll a judgment-laden hand-grenade into a room, shut the door, and run the other direction. In our "Twitter-tough" world, it's easy to slap ignorant rants and opinions and run the other direction often without leaving an identity.Weak and immature.

Ignorance is easy, racism is lazy, bigotry is simple. Acceptance is challenging, Understanding takes energy.

I'm fascinated by and a huge fan of the American comedy legend, Don Rickles. For over 50 years, Don Rickles has repeatedly sold out his one-man comedy shows. Don has become a legend by often exposing the differences in people. His comedy routine is full of insults. Yet, somehow, EVERYONE loves Don Rickles. I appreciate and value Don's take on people because he exposes the irony of bigotry through comedy. In the 1970's, television visionary, Norman Leer, introduced us to Archie Bunker in "All in the Family". Actor Carol O'Connor's portrayal of Bunker was ground-breaking. Bunker was real, honest, bigoted, racist, homophobic, and misogynistic. Bunker added in exposing the secrets of American culture and brought light to a dark separation between peoples in America. ALL people watched, all people listened. "All in the Family" still stands today as one of greatest American television programs.

Somehow - we've reversed our ability to laugh at the differences in ourselves. We've become oversensitive and politically correct. Yet, we've also turned our heads to the obvious bigoted and racist tendencies of us all.

The events of recent days are not funny. The events of recent days should not be taken lightly. They are serious and much personal and societal introspection needs to take place.

But maybe we all need to slow down, take time to understand, and expose ourselves to uncomfortable experiences. Extract ourselves from our comfort zones. We all must stretch further to understand the racism and bigotry within all of us. Serve and extend smiles to those who are different.

Teach the world they may be wrong about you - not through hateful protests or rage-filled, scathing, FB posts or blogs, but through serving, teaching, understanding, listening, and becoming uncomfortable...

It's not pithy or simple or insensitive. It's true.

"Jesus!"

I'm not a Christian. Well-maybe I am...

I'm not a Conservative.Well-maybe I am...

I'm not a Liberal. Well-maybe I am...

As my children and I celebrate Independence Day this weekend, we've been inundated with the annual regurgitation of the founding-history of the United States of America. With that history is often paired with faith - a faith in "God". My kids have often been confused with the conflicting messages of "America's faith and family". What they see on the news, in the halls of their schools, and in the leadership skills of those whom they're expected to follow and respect.

What is "faith"? Is it God? If so, does God enter into the daily lives of you and me? Is God relevant today? 

Traditional church attendance has dramatically dropped in the United States over the past generation and has nearly vanished in Europe. 

Few I know would confess to the idea of regular church attendance. Fewer would confess that their faith (in something bigger than their bank account and finely groomed lawns) plays any significant role in the decisions they make on a Monday afternoon or Friday night.

I troll on Facebook (yep - I sure do) and see many "faith-based" posts regarding car accidents, hospital stays, tragic losses, lost pets, and baptisms. I see "faith-based" rants on social media denouncing one faith or another. I witness men, women, and children utilizing their faith or God as a weapon for their own agenda or amusement. 

Can you tell me or anyone else what you BELIEVE? Yes - I am asking you. It's NOT taboo to know what you believe and why you believe it. I'm not offending you by asking something "too personal' Answer the question - what you do believe? And yes I just may judge you...

When you have to make tough choices - how do you decide what is right and what is wrong? 

When dozens of young gay and straight men and women are murdered by a lone gunman, are you outraged? 

Why?

When three men walk into an airport and with evil intention murder dozens of travelers, are you outraged?

Why?

When a white police officer kills a black teenager with his service revolver, are you outraged? Are you further outraged by the riotous violence that takes place afterward...?

Why?

When you're let in on the dirty little secret at the neighborhood poker party that your next-door neighbor is sleeping with the married man three houses away, are you outraged?

Why?

When you witness on social media, the perfect family having the perfect vacation and you're stuck at home on a holiday because you're a single mom, are you outraged?

Why?

I made a decision a few years back to end my boundless attempts to be a perfect person. For decades, I vacillated between perfection and excuses. I had compiled a bounty of inconsistencies and in turn hurt others and myself.

But...today Jesus leads me in a better life-pursuit. One of imperfection, hypocrisy, and "f"-bombs. That's right, JESUS CHRIST leads me to understand my imperfect place in this world. I cuss too much, drink cocktails too frequently, and skip church too often.

I am NOT asking you to believe in Jesus. I'm not asking you to believe in Christianity, faith, hope, church, the cross, genuflecting, Baptists, Muslims, Jews... In fact, the belief of any of these aforementioned ideas can seem hollow and unfulfilling...

(You wouldn't do something just because someone told you to do it in some silly blog, would you?)

DON'T GO TO CHURCH - it's a terrible place to find your faith! Churches, synagogues, mosques, and baseball stadiums are just buildings - you won't find faith or God, or Jesus and you certainly WON'T find peace and happiness. (Psst - God isn't there - he wouldn't be found dead in a place where everyone smiles and seems friendly - He already died once and came back, he's not planning on dying again over a sanctuary that costs millions of dollars...)

What I AM asking you to do - is ASK YOURSELF, "what do I really believe?" "In what or who do I place my faith?"

Is your faith in your bank account, your looks, your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your career, your home, your neighborhood, the fact that Starbucks will be there on Tuesday morning...?

Or is there something BIGGER?

Believe in something that doesn't shift and move... believe in consistency, believe in longevity, believe in trust.

KNOW why you're offended, know why you become angry at injustices, unfairness, and tragedy. Know WHY you cry tears of joy from a Facebook post, the overdue telephone conversation with Dad, or an on-field Royals baseball celebration...

Don't go another Independence Day drifting through life assuming in what or who you place your faith. BEGIN - by asking yourself, "Why do I believe in what I believe...?"

Why do I place my faith in Jesus? Because the Guy is cool. He makes sense, he's logical, consistent, kind, powerful, strong, compassionate, inclusive. But most of all - He LOVES me despite my failings and poor choices.

Now go - ask, seek, you just may find...

-Billy

Secret

Shhhhhh....

In my early twenties and before I was married with children, I visited my aunt and uncle who resided in a sleepy suburb of Los Angeles. I was riding shotgun the second day of my visit. Along side my uniquely wise Uncle Bob we cris-crossed the streets of Downey, California. Uncle Bob was describing the rich and poor parts of town, how people come to L.A. and embrace anonymity, to lose their old identity, and to start anew. He then turned left - twice. The first left was on to Firestone Boulevard; the second left was in our conversation. He said to me, "You would love to living her".. He looked me in the eye and said it would be good for me. That I would do well here in L.A. because I preferred to keep to myself and have a private life...

I've never forgotten that conversation...

I remember thinking, I do??!!!'

Those who know me well know David as a man who always has an opinion (and shares it), talks too much, listens too little, and wears his heart on his sleeve. I am passionate about SHARING. I love to know others and for others to know me. I ask questions of people and genuinely want to know the answers. I abhor gossip and hearsay. I value authenticity and trust.

What did my Uncle see in me twenty years ago that I couldn't confess to myself? Was he right? What secretive life did he presume I lead...?

We ALL have secrets. (if you're telling yourself you don't - you're deceiving yourself)

That's it! I'm taking these kids to the fire station and wish them well...

If he says one more degrading thing to me - I'm leaving...

Why do I have such a connection to him - I'm MARRIED!?

I shouldn't watch this - but it's not a big deal

I know I don't tell her everything - but it's okay. I'm sure she does the same thing.

I'm miserable - but everyone around me says, you'll destroy the kids if you leave...

What happened to ME? I love my kids - but sports and activities can't be MY life...

I'll just do it one time - my boss won't find out...

I hate my job - but it pays well...

I disgust myself when I see what is looking back at me in the mirror...

Are any of these statements yours? Does anyone know you've had these thoughts; said these words?

We're asked to keep secrets by those closest to us. We keep secrets from those closest to us. Captain Obvious would say, "it's important to have someone who knows your secrets - trusting in one special person or persons is vital to a healthy existence."

However, there is ONE SECRET we all possess and rarely identify, confess, and act upon...

Secret : Who are you? Do you know?

I'm speaking of the individual God has masterfully crafted : YOU. Who are you? What is the secret behind WHO you are?

I've asked this question to many individuals over the years. The common answers are, "mom", "parent", "sister", "brother", "accountant", "husband", "attorney"...

Yet, I challenge you to identify the secret of you by doing the following...

Take away your family, friends, career...take away the roles you play, take away what others have told you who you are. WHO ARE YOU? What's your secret - the secret of YOU?

NEWSFLASH : You're NOT a mom, dad, salesman, aunt, uncle, or coach. These are simply roles you play. They're important roles - but this is not who you are,

When was the last time you thought about YOU? When was the last time you MADE the time to identify the SECRET - the secret of you.

Children grow up, careers change, friends come and go, But the constant is YOU. If you don't know who you are - this secret remains hidden and you'll never realize peace, contentment, joy, and love.

I don't have time for me...I have responsibilities, I have to worry about others before I worry about me...I won't be selfish.

If you don't identify your secret - you can never fulfill the roles you choose to fill with any type of deep and authentic commitment.

What are you passionate about? What makes you tick? What brings you joy, what brings you pain, what keeps you up at night, what dream of yours is unfulfilled.

My three children are 15, 13, and nearly 12. They each have their own unique heart and soul. I want them to know WHO THEY ARE. Not what they do. Avoid overvaluing what others say they are -but find value in who THEY say they are.

I take my three children to church. I want them to be challenged by the reality of something bigger than themselves. Although I try not to preach AT THEM, I want them to identify the spiritual side of who they are. I don't force my beliefs upon them - I want them to find their own path. But, I do want them to look beyond their performance at school, look beyond their successes and failures in activities and sports, look beyond their future careers and future spouses and families...

What is your secret? Live beyond the roles you play. If you identify and share the secret of YOU, the secrets that possess you and the secrets you keep and hide from others will become less restrictive. You will find peace - you will find life.

I never moved to L.A. I've visited a few times in the twenty years since. I don't want to be hidden. I don't want to be anonymous, I don't want to be someone caught up in the roles I play and in the spaces others have determined for me.

What's my secret? I'll tell you. Just ask me...

-Billy

Pardon the Interruption...

CAN YOU TALK?

Phone calls.Cups of coffee, glasses of wine, mason jars of iced cold sun tea. A knock at the door, a ring of the doorbell, walking in and yelling, "anyone home"?

When did American culture become so fearful of interruption? When did we lose the want and need of the "drop-in" or the spontaneous phone call?

My 15-year old daughter CALLED me this weekend - twice! From Cheer camp, she called me! She likes me - she really likes me! 

Were you aware that Smart Phones are capable of making PHONE calls? It's true - Google it...I'm not lying. 

It was 2007 - a good friend introduced me to 'texting'. I didn't get it. She spent a robust 20 minutes schooling me on delicate number/ letter-punching on my LG flip-phone.

 "So... I have to push the number "3" two times to spell the word "no"???

Ridiculous...

"I don't get it? Why not just email me...?" 

Nine years later, I still ask the same question. Does texting allow two or more individuals to communicate without interrupting their current activity? - of course. Does texting lead to anti-social behavior? Of course it does...

When did we start sending preemptive text messages BEFORE calling? What are we afraid of? The chance they may be busy and send us straight to voicemail? Heaven forbid...

NEWSFLASH : YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER THE PHONE... It's true - Google it...I'm not lying. 

I have some friends who recently built a new home. After the initial plans were confirmed, they allowed me to view the blueprints of their dream home. I was so impressed! Until I looked toward the front portions of the drawing and noticed something unusual. "What is THAT?" They looked at me quizzically. I repeated my question, "What is that?!" I pointed my finger... They simultaneously answered, "The front door?!" "Yes", I exclaimed. "Why do you need that?!"

The garage door goes up and down. Eight hours later, the garage door goes up and down. Let's use our front doors more. 

When I was kid, I would walk to the front door of my neighbor, ring the doorbell, and ask, "Can David (my neighbor was named David, too) come out and play?" I didn't call, I didn't send a text message. I didn't send a smoke signal. I just dropped in. No one was offended. No one was surprised. No one told me I was breaking a rule. If they didn't want to socialize, they didn't answer the door. It's true - Google it...I'm not lying.

I have single friends where the entirety of a new relationship consists of text-dating. Weeks go by and they never spend one moment face-to-face. Huh?

This is anti-social behavior...

I want to look into the eyes of someone. I want to hear the intonation in their voice. I want to interact with someone that goes beyond emoji's.

If you "don't have time" to drop in - make time. If you've snuffed out the possibility of a Tuesday night 20-minute phone conversation with your brother, best-friend, or father - make time. Make time for the spontaneous. Make time for the things that TAKE TIME. Life is too short to be running from game to game and drive-thru to drive-thru or spending twelve hour days at work.

Drop in on me - please! I have food and bottled water to share. It's okay. 
Call me - please! I have words and stories to share. It's okay.
Text me - if you have to...

It's true - Google it...I'm not lying.

-Billy

PeRfEcT Parenting

Wanna grow up?

Have a child.

Wanna REALLY grow up?

Have two children (or more!)

Wanna be a good parent?

Tell your children, "No".

Wanna be a great parent?

Tell your children, "No" and then spend time telling them why you just told them, "No".

Wanna be an exceptional parent?

Expose them to YOUR failures, apologize to them, take their phones away, tell them to look into the eyes of strangers using words like "my pleasure", "thank-you", and "please". Teach them to stand up and be strong with their voice. Encourage and support their passions for life. Identify their "love language". Use words like "penis" and "vagina". Tell them stories. Let them fail and don't help them up. Don't force them to believe what you hold true - encourage debate and respect their views and opinions. Teach them the best questions include the word, "why?" Teach them life is NOT fair, good people suffer, and bad people prosper. Discourage the phrases, "don't judge me", "whatever", and "shut up". Show up and listen to your children - really listen. Encourage deep friendships, taking risks, and valuing family (even the family members they don't like). Share with them the world's wisdom begins in the Old and New Testament Scriptures - but don't tell them - have them read it themselves. Teach them that you FIGHT for love, you don't FALL into it...

I've been married and divorced twice. I have three children with my first wife. I had three step children with my second wife. I'm an infinitely flawed dad. Most of what I've learned is from the mistakes I've made. I've been short-sided, selfish, stubborn, ignorant, and cruel. I've ignored the wants and needs of my children. I've tried to force my ways upon them. I've yelled, ridiculed, berated, and lost my temper.

I'm the PeRfEcT parent...

Perfectly flawed, hypocritical, and in need of forgiveness. Just ask Gracen, Jadon, and Abby...They'll tell you...

BUT - I work hard everyday to serve my kids in ways in which they NEED - not necessarily want. I work to uncover their passions, share in those passions with them, LOVE them in ways they need as individuals.

My 15-year old daughter is engaged to Justin Bieber. You didn't hear? I expect the wedding to take place in the next 8-10 years. And I'll walk her down the aisle with a smile on my face. 

My 13-year old son is scheduled to begin design on the Mars-bound spacecraft in the next 10-15 years. And I'll be the first volunteer to travel that interstellar voyage. 

My 11-year old daughter will be graduating from film school or perhaps law school in the next 10-15 years. And I'll purchase the first ticket to view her debut documentary release or throw the celebration when she wins a multi-million dollar settlement for her client who was wrongly disadvantaged.

My kids are uniquely complex, complicated, and in many ways NOT like me. But it's my job to provide my kids the very best environment in which to navigate life. That environment does NOT include catering to their every whim, take away every pain, or chauffeuring them around town to their activities. To the contrary - my kids can learn more about life by realizing life is NOT about them. 

Last summer, I took my three kids to MY softball games. I think they enjoyed watching their dad participate in one of his passions. 

We SHARE our lives TOGETHER. The ups and the downs - together.

Don't give your children what they want - give them what they need. Love them for who they are - not for who you think they are. Don't live your life through your kids. You had your childhood - don't take theirs. (Oh and fellow Dads : your son or daughter is NOT going to be a professional athlete - I can nearly guarantee that. Stop behaving like they are...)

I will continue to fail, make mistakes, and let my children down. But I'll apologize, ask for forgiveness, and keep learning. I'll seek wise counsel from friends, family, and my kids' mother. I don't want to be the perfect parent - I just want to be the perfect parent for Gracen, Jadon, and Abby. Understanding the difference is my job and one I embrace.

I now have to go tell the kids how ridiculously spoiled they are, how they hard it was for me to walk to school with no shoes, and how grateful they should be for hairspray, color TV, and microwave ovens.

#hypocriteintransition

-Billy

Wake up!

"Dad!!! I can't find the ketchup"

"Did you actually LOOK in the fridge?"

"Yes...I looked everywhere...are we out of ketchup?"

"No, son, I just bought a new bottle this week... I don't think you're looking hard enough..."

I walk to the fridge. One swift glance and there it was...

"You know, son, if it would have been a snake, it would have bitten you..."

Long before the advent of smartphone addiction, people have been sleeping... Perhaps the amount of personal injuries, assaults, muggings, and lost ketchup bottles could be reduced.

How..?

Wake up!

I'm a people-watcher. I've taught my three children to be people-watchers. I want my children to be acutely aware of the world around them. From time to time, I'll ask my kids as we're sitting enjoying our restaurant appetizer,

"Look over at that table...'who' do you see?"

We engage into a lively profiling discussion. My 15-year old tells the us the couple have been married a lot of years - they haven't looked up from their cob salads in nearly 5 minutes. My 13-year old son adds - he thinks the couple is wealthy : the man's shoes are void of scuffs and his button-down is freshly pressed and he dawns a head of hair perfectly groomed. My 11-year old daughter looks at her two siblings and then me - and then rolls her eyes far into the back of her head...

Do you know the make and model of automobile your neighbor drives? Do you remember people's names when you extend them your right hand? Are you concerned with the ever-growing line that forms behind you at the grocery store check-out because you can't wait to answer a text-message?

Why does any of this matter? I am fully convinced the quality of my life and your life will significantly improve if we all do ONE thing...

...wake up!

Sharp observation is more than a profiling game at dinner. Sharp observation leads to a sounder, more fulfilling quality of life and deeper, more profoundly rewarding relationships.

I make my living by selling. If I don't pay attention to the world and the people around me, my kids don't eat and they're left without their precious Nike Roche sneakers (why did I buy those again?). Coupled with my vocation, I've made a concerted effort over the last year in my personal life to WAKE UP. The results have been rewarding. I WANTED to make it more of a priority to pay attention to the wants and needs of my friends and family. I've admittedly been overly selfish and unaware for most of my life. I'm not perfect - but it matters. It's more difficult to wake up for those in my life whom I find challenging. But it's STILL critical to sharply observe who they are and what they find to be important.

This newer attitude has aided in transforming many of my personal and professional relationships in ways that has made my life richer and deeper. I'm so blessed to be more fully engaged with my children, my friends, and family. I feel it and want more of it. I often pray to God in morning prayers, "God, make me observant to the world around me, make me observant to the people who I love and those I may find hard to love..."

Perhaps we need to open our eyes to the world around us. Maybe it helps us "nail' our next job interview, will allow us to heal a bruised or broken relationship, bring us closer to understanding a co-worker who you suspect is stealing your Greek yogurt from the work-fridge...

speaking of the fridge...

...back to the lost ketchup in the fridge. Maybe it's not that my son couldn't find the ketchup - perhaps it was because he needed a nudge from me to open his eyes, wake up, and teach a lesson in self-sufficiency. Today it's a lost ketchup bottle. Tomorrow it's a marriage saved, a wise investment made, a serious car accident avoided.

YOUR homework this next week :

Make a list of 3 people in your life who you NEED to WAKE UP to... (Yes - I know I ended that sentence in a preposition) Who are they? Sister, brother, spouse, parent, co-worker...?

1.
2.
3.

Then - wake up to them! Ask, serve, observe. Make it better...

Oh - and put down your phone while driving - yes I'm judging you and I'm judging ME...

That's it and that's all.

-Billy

June 1, 2016

Someone wiser than I once said, "writers don't make a decision to write, they just must". I wrote my first blog in 1980. It was my reaction to a movie sequel involving droids, Wookies, and Skywalker's.

Since writing that three-sentence ramble on my Big Chief Tablet, through forms of public speaking, magazine articles, newspaper columns, school-teaching, personal training, group exercise classes, sales proposals, Facebook posts, Twitter tweets, and Instagram drops, I've been WRITING. I can't help it. It's my passion. I wake up nights with thoughts that must be expressed. I pester friends, family, and most especially my three children with my profound thoughts and important ideas and opinions.

Most of the time, they all roll their eyes...

So, why not afflict the masses?

Here's what I want to accomplish with this blog : to encourage my readers to THINK. I believe too many people drift through life on the hum of mediocrity and routine. Wake up, go to work, graze through a crockpot meal or a drive-through sandwich, pick up kids, doze off to Fallon. Live for the vacation get-aways to Cancun and wine-nights with the neighbors -- rinse and repeat.

I want to give my readers the opportunity slow down, process, be challenged, get angry, tear-up, smile...

Questions I'll ask on a weekly basis: We're still suffering for 9-11? Why people who cheat should be rewarded? Why America is suffering for our self-inflicted child-centered world? Why Jesus is super cool? Why do we use "super", "right", and "right now" in ways that would embarrass our grandparents? Why baseball is the best sport on the planet (with soccer as a close second), Why the NFL will be obsolete in 20 years? When did Pet-OWNER become offensive? Why are we obsessed with hand-sanitizer? Why every man should read 50 Shades of Grey?

So come along, join in, respond, react. But don't sit still.

I'll "see" you every Sunday night beginning June 5th.

-Billy Bridges