Have a child.
Wanna REALLY grow up?
Have two children (or more!)
Wanna be a good parent?
Tell your children, "No".
Wanna be a great parent?
Tell your children, "No" and then spend time telling them why you just told them, "No".
Wanna be an exceptional parent?
Expose them to YOUR failures, apologize to them, take their phones away, tell them to look into the eyes of strangers using words like "my pleasure", "thank-you", and "please". Teach them to stand up and be strong with their voice. Encourage and support their passions for life. Identify their "love language". Use words like "penis" and "vagina". Tell them stories. Let them fail and don't help them up. Don't force them to believe what you hold true - encourage debate and respect their views and opinions. Teach them the best questions include the word, "why?" Teach them life is NOT fair, good people suffer, and bad people prosper. Discourage the phrases, "don't judge me", "whatever", and "shut up". Show up and listen to your children - really listen. Encourage deep friendships, taking risks, and valuing family (even the family members they don't like). Share with them the world's wisdom begins in the Old and New Testament Scriptures - but don't tell them - have them read it themselves. Teach them that you FIGHT for love, you don't FALL into it...
I've been married and divorced twice. I have three children with my first wife. I had three step children with my second wife. I'm an infinitely flawed dad. Most of what I've learned is from the mistakes I've made. I've been short-sided, selfish, stubborn, ignorant, and cruel. I've ignored the wants and needs of my children. I've tried to force my ways upon them. I've yelled, ridiculed, berated, and lost my temper.
I'm the PeRfEcT parent...
Perfectly flawed, hypocritical, and in need of forgiveness. Just ask Gracen, Jadon, and Abby...They'll tell you...
BUT - I work hard everyday to serve my kids in ways in which they NEED - not necessarily want. I work to uncover their passions, share in those passions with them, LOVE them in ways they need as individuals.
My 15-year old daughter is engaged to Justin Bieber. You didn't hear? I expect the wedding to take place in the next 8-10 years. And I'll walk her down the aisle with a smile on my face.
My 13-year old son is scheduled to begin design on the Mars-bound spacecraft in the next 10-15 years. And I'll be the first volunteer to travel that interstellar voyage.
My 11-year old daughter will be graduating from film school or perhaps law school in the next 10-15 years. And I'll purchase the first ticket to view her debut documentary release or throw the celebration when she wins a multi-million dollar settlement for her client who was wrongly disadvantaged.
My kids are uniquely complex, complicated, and in many ways NOT like me. But it's my job to provide my kids the very best environment in which to navigate life. That environment does NOT include catering to their every whim, take away every pain, or chauffeuring them around town to their activities. To the contrary - my kids can learn more about life by realizing life is NOT about them.
Last summer, I took my three kids to MY softball games. I think they enjoyed watching their dad participate in one of his passions.
We SHARE our lives TOGETHER. The ups and the downs - together.
Don't give your children what they want - give them what they need. Love them for who they are - not for who you think they are. Don't live your life through your kids. You had your childhood - don't take theirs. (Oh and fellow Dads : your son or daughter is NOT going to be a professional athlete - I can nearly guarantee that. Stop behaving like they are...)
I will continue to fail, make mistakes, and let my children down. But I'll apologize, ask for forgiveness, and keep learning. I'll seek wise counsel from friends, family, and my kids' mother. I don't want to be the perfect parent - I just want to be the perfect parent for Gracen, Jadon, and Abby. Understanding the difference is my job and one I embrace.
I now have to go tell the kids how ridiculously spoiled they are, how they hard it was for me to walk to school with no shoes, and how grateful they should be for hairspray, color TV, and microwave ovens.
#hypocriteintransition
-Billy
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